A few years ago, I had the pleasure of renting an allotment. It was harder work than I expected, but it also brought a real sense of joy. There’s something so grounding about watching flowers and vegetables grow, especially at a time when life feels unsettled. For me, that moment came when my mum, who had Alzheimer’s, moved into a residential home. If you’ve experienced dementia with someone close, or even seen the advert on TV about how you start to lose a loved one before they’ve truly gone, you’ll understand the strange heartbreak of it all. It’s a slow, sad fading.
After visiting my mum, I often found myself emotionally drained. That little allotment became a bit of a refuge, a place I could go and just be. Even the weeding felt calming. Once I got busy with the jobs in front of me, I could either think through my visit or, if it all felt too much, simply focus on the task at hand. The digging, planting, and general pottering about absorbed me completely, giving my mind space to rest or reflect.
In the same way, when someone close to us dies, gardening can become a quiet kind of comfort. It gives us something to focus on, a reason to step outside, to keep going. There's something about nurturing new life that soothes the soul. Connecting with the soil, the weather, and the rhythm of the seasons helps bring us back to ourselves. It’s gentle, it’s healing, and it doesn’t ask for anything more than your presence.
Tending to a garden also reminds us of life’s natural cycle. We live, we thrive with care and patience, and one day, we fade. It’s not always easy to sit with those thoughts, but being among the plants makes it feel less frightening, more natural. Growing your loved one’s favourite flower can be a lovely way to feel close to them. Cutting a few blooms to bring inside might stir a smile or a memory. Maybe just passing the time watching the butterflies, bees, and ladybirds go about their business can bring a sense of calm and peace. And if you find yourself chatting to them while you’re out there, well, you wouldn’t be the only one, as some of my clients have often mentioned they find themselves talking to their loved ones, even though they are not there.
